Wise (Ass) Sayings and Quips for the Record

+ Here, let me pour you a tall glass of get over it, and here is a straw so

that you can suck it up.

+ Grandpa knows everything; and if he doesn't know, he can make up stuff really fast

+ If you ever see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me.

+ I am reasonably confident my final words will be: "Well shit, that didn't work..."

+ I wish that I was as thin as my patience is wearing right now.

+ Astronauts use Linux because you cannot open Windows in space.

+ Some people are afraid of heights. I am afraid of widths.

+ What looks like success is often just patience.

+ ...